Jazz Alley is the alleyway between J street and K street in the downtown-midtown area of Sacramento, the capital ofCalifornia. Nearby on J street exists a
Scientology building, for some reason. One day, I found myself walking down Jazz alley simply in the interest of looking for a specific person who agreed to meet up with me.
Perhaps I should have paid more attention to where I was, as I was ambushed. I woke up in an entirely blue room surrounded by empty buckets of blue paint, with a full bucket nearest
to me. I was bound by my wrists and ankles and struggled as a group of ominous blue men which certainly have no relation to those tube playing guys envered. There had to
have been around three of them. One of them began to speak and he told me I was blue now. I asked him what he meant as I was not blue. He told me of his plan.
"yeah so uhhh me and my associates are tired of worshipping aliens and some old guy who made jazz music about worshipping aliens so we're gonna just paint you blue
and worship the color blue."
I was dumbfounded. I mean, I like blue but why worship it? Is it because that's the only thing going for the building in LA? I had to ask, and so I did. He said that the
basic idea was that him and his fellow members planned to eventually paint the downtown building blue and eventually commence a plan to work his sect's way through all
levels of government with the sole purpose of painting everything blue. I demanded to see their leader and they obliged. Out of the door they came from walked in a man who
appeared to be made entirely of mustard. That's when I realized there was exactly one ulterior motive: This guy wanted to stand out, as blue and yellow are complimentary
colors. I asked why I had to be a part of this and he responded incoherently, mumbling something about canned corn in a slurred, rapid pace without making any eye contact.
One of the followers translated. He told me that this Mustard Man of sorts wanted to have a monopoly on colors other than blue, particularly yellow. I replied on how
unlikely that was based on the fact that he didn't seem entirely lucid. I was then shot in the face and now I am saying this from Hell.